So, is 3 months too soon to say “I love you”? Or is it 2 months too soon to say “I love you”? Can you consider saying “I love you” too early a red flag? Ted Mosby did it in How I Met Your Mother on the first date with Robin. And she ditched him. So, when to say “I love you”? Is there a right time for these three magical words?
The reality is that there is no perfect time. It depends on the person and the state of your romantic relationship. Knowing when you are really in love or whether you are just in need. There are no rules for when to say these eight letters three words.
But we have some general ideas and tips.
How Long Should You Wait Before Saying “I Love You”?
This really depends on what you think that statement means. What does it stand for? Some people take months to say the phrase. Others wait years. And some people confess their love early on.
Those who wait believe that “I love you” holds great meaning and do not want to say it for nothing. They want to wait they are absolutely sure they are in true love.
Yet, according to OkCupid data in 2020, out of 6,000 people, more than 62% said that they should say “I love you” as soon as you feel it. But at the same time, 22% think you should wait several months. 3% believe you should wait at least a year.
How Soon Is Too Soon?
When a partner says I love you in a committed relationship it is the highlight of your relationship. But often people are not certain about declaring their love. Should you be the first one to say it? What if he doesn’t say it back? What if she doesn’t say it back?
Should you wait until the other said gives you a strong feeling of what they feel about you? Generally speaking, it is too soon to say “I love you” until you actually know the person well. You might confuse love with infatuation and lust. Just to clarify, infatuation is a strong feeling of attraction and fixation toward someone. Love, on the other hand, involves feeling intimately bonded and close to someone.
We can define truly loving as you see them for who they are and are willing to accept them with all their strengths and weaknesses. This type of love needs time to grow. It cannot arise from short dates and fabulous sexual intercourse.
Yes, an emotional connection can happen within a few weeks of knowing someone. But that depends on the amount of time you spend together. For example, if you spend 10 days on a holiday together, you will probably know a bit more about that person.
Should You Say It First?
When two people love each other it doesn’t matter who says it first. But if you are not sure about the other side’s feelings, probably it is a bit challenging to say it first. Nobody wants to be the one saying “I love you” and not hear it back.
These three little words can carry a lot of weight for some people. It is worth considering where your new relationship is going.
Signs It Is Time To Say “I Love You”
Yes, you can never be sure. But generally speaking, there are a few signs that can signal it is time to confess your true love for someone. Here are those:
- You feel like it is busting out of you
- You keep almost saying it
- It is at the tip of your tongue
- You know your romantic partner well
- You recognize your boyfriend or girlfriend flaws and still love them
- The two of you have had significant and meaningful experiences together
- You do not feel like “I like you a lot” expresses your feelings
- Your partner has said the statement before
- You and your partner have talked about where your loving relationship is going
- Your partner makes you want to be a better person
Is there a standard for when to say I love you?
This might surprise you, but a number of love experts and relationship experts have said there are a couple of standards. Expressing romantic love and revealing our emotions to a partner is valuable for communication and commitment.
These are all general rules set by relationship experts:
- You have to go on at least five dates
- Say it only after at least two months
- Do not do it before, after, or during sex
- Do not say I love when you feel emotional and cannot think rationally
- Never say I love you to reward your partner for something
- Do not echo it back until you’ve spent extended time together
As you can see, all of these examples put emphasis on timing. But ask yourself, is timing truly more important than honesty and self-disclosure? This is the question you have to answer before you say the three magical words.
And some final words about this, never say it for the first time when drunk, over text, when you feel pressured, and when you want something from your romantic partner.
What If They Do Not Say It Back?
When you confess your love to your sexual partner but he/she doesn’t say it back, you might feel down. But your relationship is not over. It doesn’t have to be just because your partner didn’t say it back.
Yes, rejection can hurt. But is there a rejection? It takes time for some people to confess their love. You might be ready to confess your love in a week or so. Think about your partner’s feelings. It would be selfish of you to ask them to say “I love you” the moment you do it.
The reality is that there is no way to make someone fall in love with you. Trying to speed up the process by saying “I love you” doesn’t help.
Yet, if a couple is dating seriously for a couple of months, the first “I love you” should be shared by both parties. It is a problem if a significant time has passed, and your loving partner doesn’t say it back.
In the end, let’s share some comments from men and women around the world. And about their first moment of confessing their love.
“I’m going to be super cliché here, but it really did just hit me randomly one night when we were watching Netflix. I’m not sure what happened, but it was like, at that moment, I knew that I’d be okay doing anything—literally anything—with that girl by my side. And be completely happy doing it.”
“I think it was most obvious to me when we were in an argument or fight and I could still look at her and think: ‘Yeah, okay, I do love her.’ If you can still have those same feelings even when things aren’t going the best, that’s love. But when you don’t feel that way when things get tough, it may not be love.”
“I knew I was ready to say ‘I love you’ when saying ‘I like you’ just wasn’t cutting it in my heart. I felt like I could tell her anything about me or what was on my mind and I wouldn’t be judged. I especially knew when I cared for her and her feelings as much as I did my own.” “I’m not sure if you ever know when you are ready. The first time you say it, it just happens. Afterward, you might regret just letting it slip as you did, but inside, you know you showed exactly how you felt, and that’s a good thing.”