Robin Scherbatsky said it best in How I Met Your Mother. She said, “You got chemistry, you only need one other thing. Timing. But timing’s a bitch”. And she was right. Timing is everything in life. And sometimes you might feel like you are in a “right person wrong time relationship”.
How to recognize it? Can you make something out of it? Can you come back to that partner later on? We try to answer all of these questions.
Can You Meet The Love Of Your Life At The Wrong Time?
This is a question many of us ask ourselves. We often believe that we met the right person, but the timing is not right. This thing is more common than you might think. This is why we often fear of missing out.
And that is why when we meet someone who feels and seems ideal, we try to make it work. But when we meet the right person at the wrong time, we feel like we are missing out on the good.
Any psychologist will refer to FOMO (Fear of missing out) as unfinished business. But when you combine all the factors and they do not come together and create the outcome you desire, we do not get what we want. And this creates feelings of loss, grief, regret, and sometimes hostility.
Should We Blame Time?
As humans, we often try to find someone to blame for our shortcomings. We blame someone else for our failure at work, for our failure at studies, and for our failure in love. It is quite common. Often when our romantic partner breaks up with us, we ask if there is someone else. We want to find someone to blame for the failure.
And usually, when the timing is bad and the romantic relationship doesn’t work out, we say bad timing. In the beginning, during the honeymoon phase, people do not look for shortcomings in their partner. If the relationship ends during this period, you see the person in his/her perfect light. And you think you two are perfect for each other, but the timing was wrong.
You just haven’t ended the honeymoon phase and started dating on a more mature level. When you exit the honeymoon phase, you start seeing some of the things that bother you in your guy. If you work on them and mature into a healthy relationship, that is the one you should marry.
How To Know If You Are In A Right Person Wrong Time Relationship?
Now that we know that time is not the one to blame, let’s see if we can find a way to see if we are in a “right person wrong time relationship”. Here are the signs to pay attention to.
You Have Different Long Term Goals
Yes, you might see all the qualities you want to see in your romantic partner. But you cannot stand him/her talking about long-term plans. Simply put, you have different goals for the future. You do not want the same things. And it is painfully obvious anytime you talk about the future.
One Of You Is The Rebound
Either you are on the rebound from a long-term relationship or you are the rebound. No matter how the previous relationship ended, it is never a good idea to jump into another commitment too soon.
If you are the rebound or in a rebound relationship, you want to ease the pain from the breakup and distract yourself.
One Of You Pays More Attention To The Career Than The Relationship
People sometimes put more focus on their careers. It is normal and logical. For example, one of you might be starting a business or taking on a project that takes a lot of time. And you do not want anyone telling you that you put too much effort and time into your project.
You Live Too Far Apart
Distance can sometimes make the heart grow fonder. But the reality is that only a small percentage of long-distance relationships work out. They are hard. And there is no way around it.
At some point, one of you will decide that you want an exclusive and healthy relationship with the loved one beside them.
The Age Gap Is Too Big
Same as with a long-distance relationship, this thing might work. But the odds are stacked against you. And the age gap is even more evident when one of you is still studying and the other started working. You just have different interests in life at this point.
Another example is when one of the partners has young children and they see your partner as a replacement for their biological mother or father.
You Are Not Interested In A Committed Relationship
You know when you are interested in dating, but they send you signals they do not want to be in a committed relationship. That person might like you, but he/she is not ready for a huge commitment right now.
You can give that person space and maybe things will work out.
You Want Different Lifestyles
This person is like no one you have ever met. But the problem is they want to live in a small town far from the jungle. They want a quiet life. You, on the other hand, appreciate the big city life. And neither one of you is going to budge.
You Are Not The Best Version Of Yourself
This is the best sign you are with the right person at the wrong time. That person is not making you better. You are not the best version of yourself. It feels too perfect. You are not in a good place here. You try to pull back and hide something from your partner.
But the big problem is you are afraid that other person cannot accept the truly genuine version of yourself. You would rather ghost them than let them see the struggling part of you.
What Can You Do?
You might feel like you want to cry or yell. Or blame all your problems on timing, not on yourself. But the problem is not timing.
It might be harsh to accept, but meeting someone at the wrong time means that they are the wrong person. Timing is everything, but it doesn’t mean that you have met the right person at the wrong time. Timing is only one ingredient that ensures the prosperity and success of the relationship.
Can You Get Back Together Later On?
Sometimes wrong timing takes time. Yes, sometimes, this relationship might work out later on. After a month, year, decade, or however you want.
The main criteria is that the circumstances keeping you apart have lifted. And if the connection and chemistry are still there when the timing lines up, it can present a great opportunity for a healthy relationship. Hey, after all, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez got back together.
But while that sounds happy and awesome, it is not always the case. In fact, it is rarely the case. Timing is a slippery slope. Timing might be right for you now. But that doesn’t mean that timing is no longer right for the other person.
Do not shut yourself down from other opportunities waiting for timing.