Do you think your husband cheated on you? Are you thinking about your next step? Should you forgive him? Should you continue with the relationship and marriage? Well, when you say it loud, my husband cheated on me, it sounds awful.
But you should not always panic and hurry to get a divorce. The most important thing to do is find out if that is true and the reason for his infidelity and affair.
Do not confront your cheating husband based on rumors or some fake news. You have to be sure about it.
How To Make Sure He Cheated?
You must be right in your suspicions. Yes, you will have to play detective for a while. If you are trying to find out whether your husband had a sexual affair, there are a few ways to catch him out:
- Check his phone and look for text messages to other women
- Check if he has secret social accounts on his phone
- Go to the bank and check his banking statement to see if there are any hotel stays or any out of the order spending
- Double-check his work commitments, usually men cheat while they find work excuses
- Consider following him if you are certain he cheats on you
- Check his email address or work email address to see any booking receipts, hotel, and restaurants arrangements
Once you have gathered information, it is time to meet the beast. Or in other words, confront your cheating husband. At some point, you have to speak with him about it. But be prepared for lies. If he truly wants to save the marriage, your husband might confess the whole truth.
What To Do Now?
Here are a few things you should make once you are sure your partner has an affair.
Distance Yourself From The Situation
It is natural to want to scream and break things. But it is one of the worst things you can do. Yes, your husband broke your trust. You never thought this can happen to you.
But remove yourself from the situation. You need a clear mind to see what you want to do in the future. And you cannot do it with your husband close.
If you want to work on your marriage, ask for a couple of days or weeks off. You want to distance yourself from him and think with a clear mind. You cannot talk while angry and disappointed.
Try Exercise Or A Hobby
Try to do something to take your mind off. Exercising is always a good option. It is a great way to get rid of some negative energy from the betrayal and broken trust. Bonus: you can make yourself look better and feel stronger after exercising.
Hobbies are a good way to cope with cheating as well. Even a walk outdoors will help.
Confide In Family Or Friends
Many wives feel embarrassed to share their infidelity stories with friends and family. But you should not be afraid of it. Sharing the story can help you search for comfort and support in your family. Just make sure not to tell people that might judge you. Like your close friend, for example.
You have done absolutely nothing wrong to be a victim of sexual infidelity.
Do Not Bottle Up Emotions
Some women choose the path of smiling and pretending everything is fine. Don’t. It is unhealthy for you and the people around you. It is normal to feel emotional distress.
If you have kids, you do not want to cry in front of them. But that doesn’t mean you should hide all your emotions inside and continue as nothing has happened.
Do Not Blame Yourself
This is the trap many women fall into. Do not blame yourself. You should never do that. Even if you haven’t been the perfect wife. There is no reason for your man to commit emotional cheating. He can easily tell you things are not going right and not working out. So you can find a way to end the marriage without an affair.
If you blame yourself you are reinforcing his behavior. Even if you can go past this cheating, your cheating spouse might do it again. You are the hurt partner here, not the cheating partner.
Top 3 Reasons To Leave Him
At the end of the day, the decision is simple. You either leave that lying husband or you stay and work on the issue. Here are some reasons to leave him.
Reason 1 – Your confidence will go only up
When someone cheats on you, it is natural to feel awful. You are at your worst. But while being cheated on is devastating, you can rebound from the emotional distress.
Staying with a cheating spouse continues the feeling of inadequacy. But leaving him can open up many doors for you. And you can work on your self-esteem and confidence. Never let it happen again.
Reason 2 – Your reasons for marriage have not been met
We all have different reasons for marrying. But one general thing is we all have needs we hope the other side will meet. Cheating means even your basic needs have not been met. Honesty? Out of the door. Faithfulness? Gone!
Reason 3 – Sex will never be the same
You can hardly look at someone with the same eyes after he cheats on you. Yes, you can try and work things out. But intimacy will never be the same. Why? Because that person killed your confidence. He basically said you are not good enough, so I found someone else who makes sex more pleasurable and fulfills his sexual desire.
Should You Stay?
So you say my husband cheated on me. What should you do now? You always have the option of staying and giving it some time. Does it depend on what is your view on waiting? Is it a sign of weakness? An act of love? Only you know the answer to this question.
Some betrayed women stay in their marriage because they are afraid of being alone. Some are scared they cannot find a better person. And sometimes, a betrayed spouse feels there is too much shame in a broken marriage.
That is when you stay and try to work things out. But it doesn’t have to mean staying is a sign of weakness. If you want to be part of your spouse’s recovery and healing, you can make a choice of strength. You can choose to stay and work on your problems.
The biggest challenge is you and your cheating partner might experience wide swings in awareness of what you want. The affair might bring some things on the surface that you thought work fine.
It is important to take time before you make any final decision. Consider your past time. Is the marriage worth salvaging? Can you have a healthy relationship?
Some women also believe in the permanence of marriage. For them, the words “until death do us apart” and in “sickness and health”, in “right and wrong” mean something. Do not feel guilty for leaving. It is YOUR choice.